Friday, September 8, 2017

August to Remember

Times like these won't last forever, so don't stop me from holding him.

Tuah is 2 months old end August. On 27th to be exact. Da pandai senyum, pandai ketawa dan bangun sekali je malam hari untuk menyusu dan kembali tidur sampai Subuh.

Roslin pula dah back to work on 21st, sangat awal dari standard confinement leave. Does that mean I don't love my child? I'm on a mission and I'm determine to complete it. And I'm doing it for him. 1st week of work dah kena visit plant and have to be away for 2 nights. Is my act of leaving him for 2 nights means I dont love him? Can you really imagine having to leave your newborn and be away for 3 whole day!

There are soul out there acting amaze on my sacrifice of leaving my child mencari rezeki menampung hidup sendiri. but deep inside just waiting for time to shoot me in the head and accuse me of willingness to abandon him for something else.

Yes, I have gone back to work.
Yes, I send my baby to day care.
Yes, I make mistake, lots of them.

But that doesnt mean I dont love my child.
I can't afford to make the same mistake I have done before putting myself same level as trash.
I HAVE to care for myself first before I can love and care for him.
Therefore, I have to be strong.

Give me 5 years I'll be better.

I know when I created this space, I wanted it for only happy thoughts to enter.
But who am I kidding?  You and I both know why I'm writing here.

I wish I have someone I can pour my heart out to. For now, it's just here and sing-a-long session while driving to work.