Friday, May 19, 2017

Happy Mother's Day Roslin

My heart has been broken to the extend that when they offer me money, I said NO.

I need the money (so bad) but I said NO.

and yes, it's still hurt. My heart.

*happy mother's day roslin*

still need to be saved

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Roslin @ Week 32

Her condition

*she is just celebrated her 31st birthday last 2 weeks (yeay?)

*she's heartbroken and again learnt another lesson the hard way, which is never to rely and on words of others and never to trust any promise made especially by 'that group' of people

*she start her bi-weekly check up this month. She likes both her docs (Dr Kamaljit of Bangsar Women Specialist Centre & Dr Hamidah of Hospital Putrajaya)

*her tummy is still consider small for someone who is in month 8, but her docs said that's not something to be worried about about (total weight gain so far, 6.1kg)

*she is consider healthy and her pregnancy has been easy so far (she need to be grateful and stop thinking about sad incident)

What needs to be done

*she needs to find money to buy car seat, a good one so baby T can ride home safely

*she needs to get rid of all the clothes in US UK size 2,4,6 (hoping to be able to wear back size 8) before the arrival of her new born

*she needs to really finish cleaning the house and getting all the painting done before puasa (which is in 2 weeks time)

*she need to start packing her hospital's bag.

*she need to follow up with confinement agency to settle the house tour before puasa or by 1st week of puasa

*she need to arrange the baby cot and all baby stuff so room will be ready to welcome baby T

What she CANNOT eat

*maggie, curry flavor

*ayam goreng McD

*super heavily spiced curry

.....cause of the burning sensation and pity baby T needs to endure it


She cant wait to see her baby but she still is sad due to recent incident.
She need a distraction. Go save her.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017


Imagine this,

you are half way to KLCC from Cyberjaya via MEX Highway.
You passed the Seri Kembangan exit then you started thinking whether you want to shop or eat first.
But suddenly you remember you just had nugget before leaving the house.

Thennnnnn,,,, you started to wonder if you turn off the stove you use to fry the nugget!!
Know what I had to do? I have to go back to Cyberjaya using Bukit Jalil exit just to find that it's already turned off.

So that is the day I took 2 hours to go to KLCC.

I know I am forgetful. I thought I have recover this sickness by training myself when Hamim was away for 3 months.

I used to 'lost' my phone on daily basis. Wake up at night to check if I lock my car.
Check if I lock my back door few times at night. Check to see if marshmallow(snake) still in her terrarium. I even forgot that I missed my period on Nov last year which result to only realizing I am pregnant at the end of my 1st trimester.

And sometime I forgot if it's 7 in the am or in the pm.

Worse of all, I forgot which rakaat I am in.

I must train myself again to get rid of this sickness. If you see me talk to myself just ignore me. That is how I train myself. And I hope this method still work.

Btw, I am on my 26th week. 1 more week to go to complete month 6.

ps: hamim bought baby towel from Uchino - Isetan with embroidery of our child name.
I know we excited. who doesn't.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Month 5+

Just got back from babymoon and everything is getting clearer now.

Besides baby stuff, we have start preparing for my own confinement care too.
I have decided to pantang on my own with the help of confinement agency in the comfort of my own home. Hamim have been supportive of this decision and actually has set aside some budget for this.

We have discuss arrangement for the the daily 44 days pantang care. From the timing of the confinement ladies session to care for baby and myself, to daily pantang menu and visiting time of families and friends. Yes, to that very detail.

Hamim has also bought me bengkung set from Happikido for my use. Even I think its still early to buy it. He went to Isetan KLCC during sale and bought modern barut, mitten and booties at sale price (like seriously cheap but good quality). He even bought bottles after recommendation and research on which is the best - apparently comotomo is the best and they say some babies even reject mimijumi.

So far we got most of the item we can think of and my pregnancy journey has been an easy one - alhamdulilah. I think I have never been this thankful in my life.

Seriously, I do wish I know the things that I have done right to deserve this blessing. Cause I know I have not been the best person to people around me.

Sunday, February 19, 2017


'alhamdulillah..........akhirnya dapat juga!'
what the heck is this supposed to mean? you live in the same house as I am?

one of my close friend got married and she is in the most happiest state I have ever seen, and a beautiful bride too. It is truly a proud moment being there to witness her dream come true, the way she wants it.

I am surrounded by a truly strong women. single mother raising child on her own, a breadwinner for the family, alone when actually surrounded with others.. Not sure I can do the same if im in their situation.

my medical report came in late due to the need of signature from occupational hazard doctor ,so my start date has to be postponed to few days later to give time for it to be finalise.

never been pregnant before so still learning and scrolling pinterest for pregnancy guide and tips.
hamim even bought a book on weekly pregnancy guide even tho i missed many2 weeks in the 1st trimester. soon i have to learn how to behave like a mother. can you believe it? me, a mother?

You have no idea how happy I am right now. it's a blessing on top of blessing on top of another blessing in disguise. And for that, I am grateful and thankful.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Happy New Year 2017 (sorry late, but seriously happy)

Its mid Feb and guess what?
*seriously, guess what happen after im unemployed for past 2 1/2 month*

I got job offer with better prospect! *i start next week*


I found out I am pregnant and my new employer is okay with it!!


I don't know what I have done right to deserve the second good news.
It was totally unplanned and we are not ready coz we are a child ourself. We found out late coz I was too busy to test and only doing it when I have to. but hey, we have many more month to prepare and educate our childish mind hahahahahaha.

One thing I fear the most in this world is labor pain. but that doesn't stop me from being happy.
But seriously, I'am scared maximum.

I thank god for easing my 1st trimester journey, no morning sickness and I got to eat just anything without feeling guilty. I even lift weight and run on treadmill, simply because I did not know.

thank you god.

What happened???? (In 2016)

What did I do (in 2016)

- create new memories at Langkawi
- went to that floating restaurant for seafood lunch
- got disappointed getting bad ranking after working like a dog last year. and got to know ppl work less hard than me got better ranking *i know, i got eyes and ears* 
- feel stupid for staying and decided to look for other opportunity aggressively ( turned down! okay takpe work harder )
- got news that our team will be migrated and I might be out of job in 1 year time.
- went to Bali and loving it. stayed at airbnb thingy, hire driver and explore lots of temple and went  sightseeing there. 95% of ppl is Bali is Hindu so they have small masjid and very few surau. so sapa tny knp aku tak sightseeing kat masjid kau setan.
- brought Chowder to see vet and confirmed fungal infection on nose cut. he was on medication for 45 days and alhamdulilah by end of March fur started to grow back. the medication was so strong he loses more than 1kg. but has gain back his weight after stop medication.
- injured my ankle on obstacle run on April and need to wear half cast for almost 1 month. Then continue with ankle braces for next few month. I cant run and i cant wear any heels for a year :(
- half year gone and we still dint receive our love letter ( redundancy package from work )
- went for a cute anniversary dinner and was disturbed by unwanted presence of unwanted whoever. How dare u. But it was really at a small humble cafe so no one would know we are on anniversary dinner. 
- did my knowledge transfer successfully to a new team taking over my role. It was a satisfaction knowing that you did KT to a Process Expert who is supposed to know more stuff than you.
- change role and involve in a project team on aug. new task new responsibility. And i was confident i can deliver because i have the skill, i've been doing for 6 years. 
- received love letter on sept the same date new team go live. I signed calmly with confident that i can land a role in the new team that they are piloting, the one that project i sign up to help. 
- new PM come in mid sept, did a one to one and put me down comparing me with people with 0 knowledge on the project, the processes and the tools. God this one is trying to turn me into a fool. 
- told my manager i dont wanna stay and accept how i am being treated and compared.
- turn out was the best decision ever. I dont need the stress and i left the org on my own decision but not empty handed. 
- the total 12 people left on the same day. 10 from my team, our manager sang a song and cried on the farewell lunch. Ok i cried too, and it was unexpected behaviour even i was surprised. 
- something happened a day after i left. To me not to the org. 1 dec to be exact. I cant say it coz i am still shock.
- rewind a bit back on sept mid, hamim got a call from his career counselor saying there is opportunity abroad where the manager is looking for someone with his skill but he need to be away from home for 3 months and go to chengdu,china.
- he asked me if he can go, and i just said yes. He was surprised coz we never been apart for more than a night since we are married. He asked again if i am sure coz its a 3 months assignment and again i said yes and continue napping. 
- he went on tele con interview with the manager and he wants him. In less than 2 weeks time passport, visa, flight tix, many many document to be prepared, and shopping for new work attire (coz you need to look good on client site) was done. And hamim left for china on sat morning 1 oct. 
- i cant believe myself that i will be alone in a big house with 2 naughty cats, 1 hungry snake, and 2 fierce bearded dragon to take care of. 
- i went to visit hamim on november for almost a week. Ive never want to visit china, but i miss hamim and i have to go do that 4.5 hours flight. 
- it was cold in china as official winter season has been announce early nov. hamim hired a driver and we went visit mountain, panda, and few ancient city. But i like the visit to mosque the most on the friday coz there is a mini food fest happening outside. I ate a lot of xinjiang lamb/meat on skewer, dumpling and the best was meat soup. I did not share. 
- the best food in china is truly muslim food, they served a lot of meat with rice. I ate sezchuan mala pepper too. Hamim dint like it coz it make your tongue numb. But i always prepare halal yoghurt found nearby mosque when i know im about to eat dish with mala. The yoghurt was niceeeee hamim is gonna bring back some for me.
- time to go back MY. I cried and cried and cried at the airport. I was sad coz  i need to be away from hamim again and also because kfc set was yuckie in china and is expensive ( no wonder the chinese is crazy about kfc in MY ) i love u kfc. I pity them chinese.
- came back from china after 4.5 hrs flight (which i hate) and was sick. I took mc and worked from home a lot that week. Was well after 3 days of medicine but fever again after stop. the weekend was worse i vomited everything i put in my body and i was starving the whole day. 
- my mother came at 3 in the morning to take me to emergency room. The doc gave medication (not sure what) and iv drip. And i begged the doc so i wont be warded. Coz i suddenly want to eat lontong for breakfast. 
- was better after that but body feel week. I get tired after walking and always short of breath. Sometime i am awake at night coz of abdominal pain and strugle to continue sleep.
- Its now december and i am at home feeling tired all the time. But i tried to limit my nap so i can easily sleep at night. 
- did some cleaning in the library and that room full of clothes. I stop a lot of times coz i was tired. But there is progress so in still proud.
- its less that 2 weeks before end of the year and hamim to be home. Am supposed to visit hamim again early december but i was to weak and bit trauma after on and off fever last month so i dint go.
- hamim is sick and vomitting, so am a bit worried i wish im there with him. He said he feel better and already start working after only a day rest. He stay at office until 10pm, yeah that's so hamim. 
- mimim come home fast, i miss u.