Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Cinta & Airmata

Orang kata kalau memang bukan rezeki kita, dah nganga nak suap nasik pun boleh jatuh.
Tapi kalau memang rezeki kita, tangguh lama mana pun akhirnya dapat juga.

Mungkin Tuhan nak ajar erti redha dan sabar.

Now only I know the meaning of 'kadangkala apa yg kita nak bukan yang terbaik untuk kita' & 'Tuhan datangkan sesuatu bila waktu kita memerlukan'

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, ajar lah aku untuk memaafkan.

ps: kenapa tajuk gitu.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Roslin Bersalin - dia penakut!

27th June

5am - woke up sakit perut went to toilet then back to bed but cant sleep because tummy still sakit. I suspect the beriyani and lauk pauk pedas from yesterday raya but the pain still continue till 6.

6am - I time the pain half asleep coz I remember people said perut sakit also sign of contraction. 

7am - the apps said get ready and head to hospital as the contraction is every 10 min. hahaha. I woke up and kemas dapur and vacuum and mopped house. 

Almost to 8 I went toilet to pee and saw blood on panty liner. I hahahahahahaha bit alone pastu woke hamim up, asked him to calmly listen to what Im about to say while warning him not to panic and finally told him that we need to go to hospital coz I experience contraction every 10 min and theres blood on my panty line which mean I might be delivering a baby later today. He demanded to see prove. Can you believe this guys? I showered while hamim manage litter box and pet then pack his hospital bag last minute ( told him to do it weeks ago! )

9am  - to hospital we go but not before drive thru breakfast at mcD. lol. I need food okay.

10am - At hospital dewan bersalin to register. Hamim has informed everyone. I was ushered to assessment center to do CTG and my contraction sudah selang 5 minit tapi I only feel sakit every 10 min and tak lama.

11am - VE has been done and I am 2cm dilated. hahaha. I hate VE. Nurse said maybe give birth later today. Usually 1 cm open every 1 hour. Still haha mode. Wait for hamim to pay deposit (3k for FPP) then to the ward I must stay. Got executive ward at 5A but need to stay at double bed ward since they dont have single bed that time

1pm - late lunch hospital food. oh I love hospital food. I never been admitted before but I really love hospital food. I nap dalam sejam.

3pm - wei sakit. contraction still selang 5 min but oh sakitnya. Nurse asked if i still can tahan coz she dont encourage VE many time and the next VE is only at 4. And she also encourage me to take epidural since it Pain Free Hospital.

4pm - I couldnt tahan anymore, contraction still every 5 min but the pain has increase, Hamim encourage me to take epidural and I say yes. Told nurse we want to take epidural and she proceed to with VE as epidural can be taken only around 4-6cm dilated. I was 4cm that time and she quickly gave me edema so I can go toilet. Went toilet and then pushed down to LR.

4.30pm - Mannnn, sakitnya. but still 5cm. I was given entonox and was told the epi doctor is attending another patient for emergency ceaser and will come straight after that.

5.30pm - I cried and beg hamim to call nurse and ask for my epidural. Nurse said there's 2 patient undergoing emergency ceaser and there only one epi doc. The doc will only come to me after that.
Another VE done and I am already 5cm. I suddenly feel panas and ask what is this air panas. Nurse said she help me break air ketuban. I suffered labor pain for almost 1 hour after ketuban break. Nurse asked me to use the entonox to help ease the pain. But I tell you, the entonox will make you feel high but once the contraction hit, entonox gas will not help. But I took it anyway.

6.20pm - after screaming and inhaling entonox like crazy and begging hamim for my epidural which hamim said otw otw. suddenly the LR was filled with almost 10 nurse and a male doctor. I begged to push coz I couldnt bear the pain and feel like something is coming out under there. Another VE done and I was 9cm suddenly!  Nurse then prepare me for labor and doctor ask me to push, the nurse gave encouragement and cheer me even tho I push wrongly. Always remind me to doa and keep teaching me the correct technique. I am halfway awake that time but still have energy to push.

6.37pm - Baby came out but I dint realize anything but sakit contraction, telling hamim how sakit I am that time. Then doctor said, 'hey gurl tu anak you atas perut, look' Oh my he's out and I still inhale that gas. LR kembali tenang, the pain is gone and baby was given to me for skin-to-skin while doctor work with the placenta. At this point I dont care already coz there's no more contraction. Nurse cuci baby and gave it to Hamim for azan then I start breastfeeding for first time.

9.00am - I am at ward already and family member came to visit for a while. They are in the hospital cheering me from outside since 4.30pm.

In conclusion - dah 6 minggu baby with us, and I still can't believe I am capable of giving birth.
Thank you Hamim for your support. And this, is all for those who NEVER ask stupid question from us. Hug and kisses from baby Tuah.

Tuah bin Hamim
27th June 2017 ( 3rd of Syawal)
2.58kg 6.37pm

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

14 hari ber Tuah

Hari ni hari ke 14 Tuah lahir. Tuah cahaya mata yang aku tak sangka aku akan ada.
Tak pernah mampu bayangkan diri sendiri adalah seorang mak, yang mampu melahirkan.
Dan aku still tak tahu secukup mana baru aku dapat zahirkan rasa bersyukur. Adakah dengan harta benda aku yang tak seberapa ni, sebab sejujurnya aku memang menumpang rezeki si Tuah sepanjang 9 bulan mengandung. atau dengan perbuatan dan perasaan yg sebenarnya aku pun tak tak tahu nak buat macam mana.

Masih lagi adjusting life dengan Tuah di sisi. Dengan tidur malam berjaga, jadual pam susu,jaga diri pantang makanan, berurut, stokin, sarung kepala, luka jahitan, manusia yang tiba2 concern perihal keselesaan aku, dan byk lagi.

Jujurnya aku sangat strugle walaupun ada helper yg datang separuh hari.

Hari ini, saat anak masuk 14 hari di waktu sebelum maghrib, aku diuji dengan aku hidangan kata2 jahat yg sebenarnya dah biasa dengar tapi tak sangka aku ni dah bergelar mak pun kene telan lagi.

Nak buat camne? nasib,

Need saving.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

June Penuh Rahmat

Post yang paling last ialah post mid May dimana konon Roslin heartbreak sesangat (memang pun).
Masa tu 32 weeks ada angan nak update weekly on first pregnancy memandangkan dah kene jumpa doctor bi-weekly / weekly on June, which was also bulan Ramadhan ( sbb tu dia penuh rahmat, gittuh..) Why does it not happen? ...i forgot why. 

Mood was a bit okay when June start, got to spend time with my friends (see my IG its not private) , doa lebih sikit walaupun melalak kat sejadah merayu takut bersalin tapi kau dah 9 bulan pun (bila kau nak insaf ni), I did a lil bit of forgiving and at the same time I forgive myself too, still able to drive alone to KLCC and Pulze tgk wayang and bit shopping. Hamim start working from home on week 37  ( a week before raya ) not that I need him doing stuff at home tapi I feel secure when he is around konon2 feeling week 37 ni anytime boleh deliver.

My EDD was supposed to be early July to be exact on the 5th. Tapi deep inside I was hoping for June baby and at one point on June itself I dont mind pun kalau baby nak keluar before raya which fall on 25th June this year, which is also fall on week 38 of my pregnancy. 

So here is the timeline so I can remember later later later in life.

Week 34 - Jumpa Kamaljit on Sat May 27th ( 1st day puasa ) Baby is well, everything is ok but baby weight only at week 32 ( less 100++gram than the ideal weight) Dr said still got plenty of time. So I decided to not puasa until baby's weight on track with pregnancy week. Baby head down and masuk bit in the laluan. My weight did not increase.

Week 36 - Jumpa Dr Hamidah of Hospital Putrajaya on June 10th. I took FPP under her coz this is the nearest hospital and I read good review about the service and the doctor. Dr Hamidah was also Dr Kamaljit junior when they were studying. Baby head down but belum masuk laluan sepenuhnya. I asked bila rasanya bersalin (this week dah mmg fikir bersalin before raya pun takpe) and she said 'next week kalau nak bersalin dah boleh dah' and 'if rasa sakit, water break or darah head to dewan bersalin terus'. She gave me another appointment date 29th June which is our 1st anniversary ( great! vagina examination as anniversary gift lol) 

Week 37 - Appointment with Dr Kamaljit on June 17th. Baby weight has increase but still behind 1 week ( 2.4kg ++ ). Mummy need to eat eat eat. And yes, I still tak puasa and been eating alot! My weight remain the same from week 34. 

Week 38 - Lagi appoinment with Dr Kamaljit on 24th June ( Sat 1 day before raya ). My weight remain the same, baby weight on track at 2.58kg ( yes on the last day of puasa baru on track which means not a single day aku puasa this year ) Baby fully in laluan but still dongak so Dr did not do any VE for me that day haha. Baby is healthy everything is ok and her remark before I left, 'dont worry can still raya 2/3 days but dont go far okayyyy....' to hamim Dr said ' I wont be seeing you for this round anymore so call us when your wife deliver.

25th June - Raya Day 1.
Selamat Hari Raya. Ate rendang, kuah lodeh roti jala with kari kambing, laksa, mee sup, nasi dagang and ketupat. Braxton Hicks contraction start during asar and kat rumah org semasa gi beraya. Hamim panicked like hell. 

26th June - Raya Day 2
Stay at home sampai petang and head to Sendayan beraya after maghrib. Ate bihun goreng, ketupat with kuah kacang and rendang later nasi beriyani, ayam merah and rendang daging ( both lauk pedas bit) braxton hicks contraction after ate beriyani so head home to cyberjaya at and arrive around 12.30 straught to bed with full tummy.

27th June - Raya Day 3
I felt contraction at 6 am, head to labor room at 4pm and deliver a cute baby boy weight 2.58kg at 6.37pm without epidural (read my next next post then you will understand why I need to bold this statement)

Yup, got what I wish for, a June baby :) 

Friday, May 19, 2017

Happy Mother's Day Roslin

My heart has been broken to the extend that when they offer me money, I said NO.

I need the money (so bad) but I said NO.

and yes, it's still hurt. My heart.

*happy mother's day roslin*

still need to be saved